Idiosyncratic and Esoteric programming languages. Quines, Automata, and Brainf*ck. Found on Mike's Weblog.

[Nigerian Scam] I've gotten two Nigerian Scam emails in the last week. Somebody replied to one of the the con artists who sends these things for the sole purpose of seeing how much time and effort they could waste, and they published the entire correspondence. He's a persistent huckster, even when the baiting passes the point of absurdity.

Now that PS2, GameCube, and X-box have slashed their pricetags by a hundred bucks, how will their competitor, the Super MegaSon IV respond? Found this gem through a Bifurcated Rivets link.

Godawful Fan Fiction delivers true to its name.
"Maybe the dancing alien wants us to be together?"
"As in a couple?" Scully asked, as she saw him nod. "Oh, I don't know."
"It wants us to face the fact that we're in love. We've been hiding it for too long. Scully, I love you. Do you love me?"
"Yes. I'd been in love with you for years. I just wasn't sure if you knew."

Which barbed wire museum do you think is better- the Texas one, or the Kansas one?

[What to do about that pesky office hacker] A must-see employee training video about how to 'handle' the hacker you've just hired, from a production company that probably would otherwise be doing dog training videos for public library distribution. Some of the most overt playing to stereotypes since F-Troop.
Hint: The hacker is the guy with the ponytail hunched at the computer and playing with the soldering iron, not the drone in the suit who's bitching about productivity and pacing back and forth right next to Ponytail's desk. I'm surprised they didn't dress the hacker in an anarchy t-shirt for good measure.
Q: "My hacker doesn't fit well with our corporate society."
A: "Consider hiring a companion hacker"
Absolutely brilliant, courtesy of i.am.haze.cx.

[Stair Diving] Here's an intellectual movement with some moxie. For those times when a good, old-fashioned slap-fight just won't block out the angst and ennui of modern existence, these guys intentionally throw themselves down flights of stairs for the Zen-like focusing effect... motive, yet transfixed in the tempo-spatial present. Existential drift or Jackass?: You be the judge.
Q: "What is it in human nature that compels us to risk our physical well being for only a temporary solace from the fire of human despair?"
A: "Although I have no answers to these questions I know there is something to be said for looking up from the bottom of long flight of steps and know that you are stronger because of it."
Amen, brother... Amen.

I got a kick out of this site by 'Mental Patient' who is attempting to sell things via a crudely fashioned online auction, and you will too. He's currently offering a flag-adorned piece of tofu he claims to be a Polynesian sovereign island/state, the worldwide rights to 12:17 PM, a fly named Mr. Bojangles, and the whining cockrock band Metallica. "If you are looking for a Monarch that will crack your teeth when chewed, then I'd nudge you in the direction of acquiring King Louis the Tooth Cracker from me" (referring to a king chess piece).

The wit and wisdom of the singin' King of Sausage, Jimmy Dean. Even your grouchy Vegan pals will have to admit, he looks damned good for 73.

Religious Cults Reviewed. Smart-Alecky crank-mailers ask the tough questions to representatives of various cults to see which one's the best. Regrettably, none of the cults interviewed took time to brag about their respective compounds, which begs the question, 'Can it really be considered a cult if they don't even have a compound to showcase?' Like, am I supposed to stockpile doomsday provisions in my bathroom closet or something? For my money, nothing says 'cult' like communal stockpiling capabilities.
"Even though I find Scientology extremely overpriced, the literature is easy to understand and they do have a lot of celebrities. I am currently looking for a theology which is not very complex, rigorous or expensive, offers an easy passage to heaven and hopefully is tax deductible."

Ha! Wouldn't it be funny if you went to a label showcase and tried to subtly pass some slimy A&R rep an Edison Wax Cylinder demo of your band instead of the predictably dull CD? No? It wouldn't? Yeah... maybe you're right. It isn't really that funny.

[Filthy Puppet Mouth] I was going to devote a whole day's posts to 'Puppets Who Tell You How to Live Your Life', but I thought better of it. Davy and Goliath got co-opted by Mountain Dew, and the creepy religious puppet/human duos who rain blow upon blow of Divine Word upon unsuspecting children for a more angry, ultra-right God have been covered elsewhere. I couldn't even find any evil puppet material to balance out the mix in the interest of fairness, which would have been great. But hey, don't let that get you down! Instead, laugh it up with a wacky outtake clip from the 70's kid show, "New Zoo Review" (Realplayer format)that has two of its stars (the frog and the owl) talking some scandalously outrageous junk. Wowee!! These way-out puppeteers are going bananas! Will they ever learn?!

[Malarkey? or Effective Way?] Fantastic new-agey homeo-quackery from the Orient. The author, Mr. Nishigaki, didn't even bother to grammar-check the title of the book he's selling on Amazon. Apparently, the printer wasn't about to help him out either. From the Amazon site, a quote directly from its pages: "Besides shooting out a big blank from your buttock, you can feel as if your root chakra leaked sweet hot mucus." Before you holler out 'Sign me up!', check into whether the sweet mucus leaking is a good thing, or an involuntary event caused by some kind of mysterious, ancient curse.

[Blast Off- Crusades Style!] Get the kit to build yourself a trebuchet. They're not just for medieval offensives anymore. You can have a party that'll entertain both your redneck and Euro-history friends while you launch 'em all sky high! Land safely in the body of water next to which you hopefully had the forethought to build the deadly contraption, and hop back in for another ride!

Vending Machine-O-Rama. You can much better stuff than soda and underwear (Japan), including raw eggs, emu jerky, art, and condoms designed to match your blood type. Japan's roboshop even sells coin-op sushi.

[Space is the Place] Some good Sun Ra links. early history, some reviews, a bio, another bio, and an article that discusses the anti-philosophy of his space/afro-futurist/mythology which is heavy on the book-lernin'. I always liked how his band yelled out 'Rocket Number 9 takin' off for the planet Venus!'

[Sabbath, priest, wasp… we already speak the same language] The pranksters who brought you Hessian Love did it again with Hessian Love II, a fake personal ad ostensibly placed by a Bored Metal Housewife who lists her Religion as "Rock N' Roll". You'd think her warning ("p.s. you should be warned... i party HARD.") would be enough to keep the metal dudes away but strangely, they seemed not to heed it and responded in droves. I'm sure you'll be as disappointed as I was to see that only three would-be suitors listed Judas Priest as influences/activies, which is just further proof that metal isn't what it used to be. If she actually existed, I'd steer Hessian Girl toward Hessian #21 ("I have a lot of money. Do you need help beautiful girl? ... We are meant for one another. Don't forget to talk to me.") although his power tie lacks devil-horn headbanger cred. Then there's #22 who... aw, read it yourself.

[Rights Power Grab II] On Wednesday, the U.S. House of Representatives approved the new surveillance powers by a 327 to 101 vote. The bill, titled the Customs Border Security Act, says that incoming or outgoing mail can be searched at the border "without a search warrant." "this would be the first time since Ben Franklin created the Postal Service that seizure and searches, without warrants, of outbound international mail would be allowed." Thank you, Congress, for your continued mockery of our 4th amendment rights.

[A new low in DRM] The MPAA and RIAA have never been known for making intelligent, insightful, or for that matter, realistic recommendations regarding digital copyright, but this has got to be the most backward stunt they've ever attempted to pull: The MPAA is asking the Senate to require that "all devices that perform analog to digital conversions" be required to contain digital copyright hardware. If this steaming pile of ill-conceived tripe ever gets passed, it'll accomplish 3 things:
1) It will needlessly inflate the cost of A-D chips,
2) It will ensure that nobody ever buys American A-D technology,
3) It will give hackers a good chuckle as they immediately bust this brainless scheme wide open, as they did with the lousy, Mac-crashing CD protection technology that the RIAA endorsed.

[Worm me up] Now you can tell all of those funny people from the west coast that your negative energy is useful for more just than harshing their scene. Scientists now believe that people can travel through quantum wormholes. How? "Ghost radiation", of freakin' course. "It would be a delicate operation, however. Add too much negative energy, the scientists discovered, and the wormhole will briefly explode into a new universe that expands at the speed of light, much as astrophysicists say ours did immediately after the big bang." What the hey- I say we give it a shot anyway. If we end up starting a new universe, I've got a whole list of idiots who shouldn't be allowed in this time. In the new universe, I want a nicer car.